Saturday, September 13, 2003
Not like I have an actual life to worry about.
The new blog should be known as stupidangrycanajun.typepad.com although gord only knows if I got that right.
Personal Piss-off Rating: No additional Peeves (I'm too busy right now to calculate)
Friday, September 12, 2003
Believe it (or else) it is not my way to impose my stringent and hard-hearted views upon the rest of the world. Shit, I have enough trouble finding my own path. But my gord, when I listen to eight non-stop hours of how "the Americans are just looking for cheaper oil" and "all they want is to stick it to Canada" - the end result is, I want to "stick it" to some very special people.
Let's explore the topic of "the oil." Is the invasion of Iraq about oil? Of course. Without the oil, the terrorists would not have had the funds to commit acts of terror outside their own countries. Would America invade Iceland? If Icelandic terrorists slammed planes into America, I have no doubt that America would respond in kind. Would Icelanders slam planes into America? Highly doubtful. As far as I know, Iceland is not home to multiple fanatical terrorists who wish to demolish the Western World. Why doesn't America invade other countries where civil liberties are non-existent? Perhaps because America hasn't been invaded by terrorists from these other countries. I'm sure that Americans would like to see democracy and peace throughout the world. Is that reason enough to enter by force? No, I didn't think so. Read Damian Penny for words that express my views coherently.
So I ask again, where was our Prime Minister during the Ottawa September 11 ceremonies? With glowing hearts, we saw thee rise, the true north strong and free. From far and wide, oh Canada, we shed our tears for thee.
Personal Piss-off Rating: 208 Peeves (These are additional peeves)
Speaking of special, just think how special this boy must feel. And kudos to the school board who decided not to discipline the three bullies too harshly. Send them home from school two days early, that'll learn 'em. What is school for, but to prepare children for real life? After all, where was our Prime Minister during the Ottawa September 11 ceremonies? With glowing hearts, we saw thee rise, the true north strong and free. From far and wide, oh Canada, we shed our tears for thee
Personal Piss-off Rating: 208 Peeves (27 for the combined ages of the bullies, another 27 for the combined IQ of the administrators involved, another 27 for the combined IQ of the government officials in Ottawa – yes, I'm particularly generous today – 127 for the combined IQ of my (all but two) coworkers plus the mechanic who programmed "Air Bag" into my vehicle – the mechanic gets 100 for creativity)
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Job Description: Promote our bilateral and multilateral agenda with countries and international organizations. Promote Canada's peace building and democratic development initiatives. Negotiate audio-visual cooperation agreements to enhance cultural links between countries. Translation: Close your eyes, shut your mouth, accept the bribes along with the bullshit, count your pensionable hours and invest in an off-shore retirement home as quickly as possible
Qualifications: The diversity of the work places a premium on flexibility, adaptability and sound judgment. Translation: Strong Liberal Ties. One or more close family member joined at the hip to one or more senior federal official. MUST be able to ignore the obvious AND deny the undeniable without snickering or blushing. HIGH tolerance for alcohol is extremely desirable
While we appreciate your application to this position, we cannot possibly acknowledge every entry. Only those who meet our rigid standards will be contacted for an interview. Translation: Those with any conscience or sense of moral outrage need not apply. If we don't already know you, we are NOT hiring you
My thanks to Tim G of Right On! Blog for the tip about Peter Worthington's column.
Lest ye think I make this up, take a strong anti-spasmodic before reading this official missive
Personal Piss-off Rating: 75 (One for every thousand dollars of diplomatic salary)
Personal Piss-off Rating: 210 Peeves (One for each pound that was flattened by the booth's table)
First, and this is big, the topic of 9/11. There are literally thousands of sites that reference the invasions of September 11, 2001. Feel free to read or not read, as long as you continue to think. I lost friends that day. I will say no more
This leads to the topic of mortality. If you can read this entry, you owe it to your brain to read this entry and this one from Arrrrgh!!! Of course, it would be most advisable to read the rest of that blog (at least those entries that load when you first visit; bookmark that site). Check Ann's entry and then delve into Broad At Bat. Meditate upon Chuck's entry at You Big Mouth, You!. After that, I shall pause for a moment to pay homage to a friend, whose father passed the veil from this life to the next. Then I shall pray for another friend, who is on the verge of passing, and whose family is working to provide organ donations to maintain the cycle of life on this planet. Anyone who does not believe there is a life after this one is welcome to keep his/her beliefs, just as I keep mine. Keep that which serves you.
Yin and Yang. One cannot do justice to those who die unless one does justice to the living. One year ago, a very dear friend of mine (who, oddly enough, is also related to me) took his first steps (again) after experiencing the very worst and the very best of medical care. Ken asks how to quit loving someone quickly. My advice is, let the love transform into the absence of hate. Sure, I get pissed off; some moments I am downright volcanic. What I hate is that people get caught in the belief that thinking is too difficult for them. Will I hate them when we meet again, on the other side? I do not believe I shall meet Osama or Saddam there. How about you?
Personal Piss-off Rating: 2003 Peeves (Not much thought required for that one)
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Sometimes sticky notes display messages that are less professional. Twelve months ago I wrote "Jimbette asked me for the log book from 1994. I told her I've never seen that log book" on a sticky note, along with the date. Today this proud note achieved star status. This note has been in my journal for exactly twelve months and has been updated once a month for the last year. Yes, on or around the ninth day of every month, for the last year:
- Jimbette asked for the same non-existent log book
- Jimbette was shocked that the 1994 log book is not available
- Jimbette told me she really needs the 1994 log book
- I asked Jimbette what she needs the log book for
- Jimbette (in her most serious tone): "We need to keep records, you know."
Makes me wonder what happened in 1994, when Jimbette was responsible for maintaining the log book.
Personal Piss-off Rating: 199.4 Peeves (Duh)
Personal Piss-off Rating: 285 Peeves (Trust me, how could I be wrong?)
Sunday, September 07, 2003
Personal Piss-off Rating: 171 Peeves (Maximum number of years lived by the people involved in this crash)
Compliment of the Week   Boss (he-who-signs-my-paycheque) bought me lunch.
DID of the Week   Acidman's Beth Taylor/Grace/Rene. This highly complex and unemployed collective claims several distinct email addresses, including Acidman's. I suspect this group of personalities formed after a radioactive spider bite went terribly, horribly awry. The core personality of this group was searching for Spiderman's website when another personality moved the fingers on the keyboard. Result: All hail Acidman!
(DID = Dissociative Identity Disorder, aka MPD, Multiple Personality Disorder. You're welcome)
Word of the Week   Downage. Runner-up: Blog*Spot. Nuff said.
Surprise of the Week   Mahmoud Abbas' resignation. He was disrespected and powerless. What went wrong, did he not get a corner office or something? Runner-up: U.S. unemployment rises. What went wrong, aren't people smart enough to kill themselves instead of turning to the government for help at a time when taxes are
Darwin Award Candidate   Mr. Big(ger) Crack(er). Folks, this guy is 26 years old. Who the hell left him alone with firecrackers? Thank gord this guy can no longer reproduce. I'm sorry, I really shouldn't make fun of someone whose shoe size exceeds their IQ by a factor of two. Nowhere could I find the name of his day supervisor, who really needs to be reprimanded.
Personal Piss-off Rating: 35 Peeves (There was a lot of addition and subtraction to determine this rating)
Saturday, September 06, 2003
Where were these packets coming from? How many is too many? Whose age was down, and how can I reduce my chronological years? Shazbot, I have backtrekked into moronicy.
Personal Piss-off Rating: 60 Peeves (These are additional peeves)
Personal Piss-off Rating: 96 Peeves (Down to a more manageable level to start)
Personal Piss-off Rating: 380 Peeves (These are additional peeves; I tried to tie this in to the age of the offender + the age of the victim + the judge's IQ, but I ended up with a negative rating that way)
Friday, September 05, 2003
Take "Iffy", his lovely wife "Eejit", add alcohol with their remaining brain cells, throw in Internet access, and you get Tucker-Shaken-And-Stirred. A seemingly normal couple, Iffy and his lovely wife Eejit violated Tucker's space. Space can be physical or virtual. Access does not automatically confer ownership. A sane and rational person knows this. A sane, rational and sober person respects this. Eejit may claim she fell out of her family tree but the truth is, she was pushed out. She could review her behaviours, including the high probability of substance abuse, and take responsibility for herself. She prefers to claim perpetual victim status. Now I'm not saying Eejit is a moron; I'm saying she prefers downhill skiing in Saskatchewan ("The view is sooo much better!"). Iffy slid down the family tree in the middle of the night to join her. As you might guess, Eejit denies all responsibility for the violation and Iffy apologizes excessively to Tucker. Iffy contacts Tucker and promises this will never, ever happen again. Iffy is so sure of this that he is willing to cease contact with Tucker (huh?) just in case Tucker doesn't trust him any more. And then the predictable and reprehensible plea: "But please don't make me stop reading your blog" (here comes the emotional heart tugs) "because I need to know what's going on in your life and" (here comes part two of the one-two punch) "I just love the way you write." Listen up, dude, the name's Tucker, not Sucker You saw that one coming, didn't you?
Tucker, who has far more class than I, felt it acceptable for me to release this rant on my blog. Tucker does not need my opinion on handling this situation. My opinion is (surprisingly) somewhat abrasive: A heartfelt apology can be said many, many times. A heartfelt apology need only be heard once. Once again, you read it here first If I don't hear your heartfelt apology, you can bet your bottom dollar it's because I am not ready to hear it. Don't keep repeating it like a mantra that gets you out of jail for free. Try again when I am in a more receptive mood. Like that ever occurs An apology that is not heartfelt is a waste of your vocal chords and my hearing aids. Keep repeating it and you will need a "get out of hospital for free" card. They are in my version of Monopoly When I do not hear your apology: believe, understand and know that you have lost my trust. This condition, by the way, gives me the right to call you a Loser.
In case it isn't obvious, all names have been changed, out of respect to Tucker. That same respect means there will be no further details released unless Tucker makes that request.
Personal Piss-off Rating: 200 Peeves (These are additional peeves: 10 for each whining "I'm sorry", 50 for the initial violation and 50 for the malicious final plea)
Here, staple something and leave me alone.
Personal Piss-off Rating: 316 Peeves (One for each million that Mr. Lysyk allegedly stole from the Bank of Montreal, 100 for the morons who allowed him to steal that much before doing anything constructive, and the rest because: Jean Chretien, Huggabunch, Christmas, Children's Parties, that's why)